Mahiya Rade, Week 16: The Ending of the Tale of the Little Blue Dress
Since this is our last blog, I have, naturally, been thinking of endings. In no contained way—my thoughts are characteristically scattered and I find some sentimental bull in the smallest of things, like that time when I was fourteen and I could no longer wear my favorite blue dress because I thought I had both the skills and the wikiHow smarts to turn it into a really cool shirt (I did not) and to this day it lies around my house shredded into scrap pieces of flowery cloth that fray out at the sides. I constantly tell myself I’ll make a headband, or a napkin, out of the pieces, and never ever do. But they’re so pretty, I can’t bring myself to throw them away.
The last time I wore that dress, I didn’t know it would be the last. I think I should’ve taken more pictures wearing it outside, even though back then I was so self-conscious I hated to take pictures of myself (now, I joke that I have a “high tolerance for embarrassment”). And I should’ve worn it to meet friends more, and hell, I should have worn it to run down a hill on a bright day (it was a short dress). More than I regret the wasted opportunities, though, I feel…stupid. Not because I tried to change the dress—it’s okay to fail—but because I didn't do anything with the remnants, and still don’t. What do you think? I feel like we can comfortably coexist, these tatters and I. After all, do I have to do something with endings? Can’t they just linger?
Hi, Mahiya! I couldn’t help but appreciate the timeliness of your blog post on the topic of endings as our blogging (and school year) comes to an end! Your writing is so poetic and the story you’ve shared about your blue dress is so beautiful in that it really captures how endings often come without warning and leave behind fragments and memories that we often don’t know what to do with.
ReplyDeleteI especially related with your story because it reminded me of a sweater I crocheted once. It took me almost two weeks to make and I really, really loved it. One day, though, I decided that I wanted to make something better out of it, so I undid all of my stitches. I remember staring at the yarn later and no longer knowing what to do. Like your experience with your dress, I just kept the yarn and never reused it; it’s still in my closet in a ziplock bag. But, maybe, it is okay to hold on to the unfinished things, like the remnants of your blue dress and the yarn of my sweater, simply because they hold memories of something that once felt meaningful to us.
Thank you for sharing this special story about your blue dress, and I truly enjoyed the opportunity of reading all of your amazing writing this semester!
Hey Shriya! I was thinking just the same idea of these "endings" when I was writing my blog this week too. But I think, towards the end, you capture it perfectly: any ending is not truly an ending. I think it's because the word itself has such finality and it makes it seem as if and ending would be some sort of final moment maybe? But when it's not, it feels like a climax that never happened. But I think what is so beautiful about your story is the fact that you didn't know that that "ending" was coming at all. This brought on a whole new added level of surprise to the same and a kind of depth I found really refreshing. It can be hard to put into words that ending that just lingers, like you said, but I think truly that this is only the way that we learn to cope. I don't we as human beings are very good at just letting go of things because it's time, but rather that we all have to exist through that lingering period for some time before we actually let it go. Anyway, I loved how your piece made me think and I loved reading all of your work this semester. I hope we share more classes next year too! Happy Summer!!
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